This Time With Feeling!

       I grew up going to Catholic school and I recited the same prayers everyday.  I went to mass because that is what we did (unless we didn't in which case I savored my extra time in bed), and I prayed my rosary at night when I was scared.  I believed in God as much as a little kid with no concept of the “real” world could.

Picture via Faith That Moves

       I remember during communal prayers at mass hearing my mom really praying, speaking with feeling instead of following the groups predictable rhythm and monotonous tone, and being a little bit embarrassed.  I just wondered why she broke the norm, why did she have to stand out?  Now, looking back, I wonder why I felt embarrassed.  I don’t think it was because anyone else noticed. I am probably the only who recognized her differences but I did notice them. I think it was because I knew that she was talking to someone she knew and I didn't know them.  She has a relationship with God that I was lacking due to my childhood ignorance.  I didn't know God personally and I was embarrassed that I did what I was “supposed” to and still didn't have what she had.

       At the same time, I remember my brother referring to Catholic prayers as nothing more than poems.  I was so hurt by this assertion and I fought him on it (fighting him wasn't so unusual), telling him that prayers were more, they were how people talked to Jesus. The funny thing is that my mom who made me feel embarrassed with her personal prayers exhibited the relationship that I fought for yet lacked.  Now, I use my brother’s phrase to explain my view of prayer when discussing the matter with my Bible study, friends, or peers.

       I love how God moves in our lives from before the beginning.  He is building us up with little stories and memories like these ones to help us understand our relationship with him.  He gives us these little nudges.  He turns us from an embarrassed and argumentative little girl to the young woman praying loudly, with feeling, at mass or before a meal at a restaurant.  He gives us the opportunity to learn, to be stirred, to form our relationship, and to act on it, all in his perfect timing.

      What memories do you have of faith in your childhood?  How have these affected your faith now?  How do you pray?  Suggestions? Comments? Questions?