Happy Trails

       Hi everyone! I am so sorry that I keep apologizing for not posting (ironic, I know), but I have come to a decision.  Instead of a scattering of apologies for the next few months I am going to be straight up with you.  I am seriously overwhelmed and busy.  I absolutely LOVE blogging and sharing my life and reflections with all of you, and I seriously love that you read this! I appreciate every single page view!  That is why I don't want to string you along, I will be taking a break from the blog for a few months.

       I know that a few months sounds like an eternity but I promise it will fly by! I hope that all of you reading this will return in January so we can catch up and come together, hopefully a little bit holier than we are today.  So, happy trails until we meet again!

Keeping Up Appearances

       Hi everyone! I am so sorry that I haven’t been posting, I have been having some serious technical difficulties which have hopefully been worked out.  Not to worry, I’m back! 

       This semester I am taking a management class and a lot of our assignments are “Self Assessments”.  Pretty much taking surveys and quizzes about ourselves and taking a deeper look into “who we are”. I absolutely love taking quizzes and surveys about my likes and dislikes so this is pretty much an awesome excuse to do so. 

picture via CSM

       All of these exercises have actually gotten me thinking about the “real” me versus the me I portray in front of other people (good job professor, your plan worked).  What I have realized is that even in relationships where I feel secure I still act a certain way.  I hold some things back in order to live up to expectations or to spare feelings.  I am afraid to rock the boat in a relationship that is working, I want to avoid conflict.

       What really upset me was that I realized I do this with God too.  When I go into prayer I try to do and say what I am “supposed” to.  I want God to see that I am trying.  I want him to see a girl who is working hard and doing her best for him (even if I could do better), I want him to see someone holy. The problem is that I am not so holy as I want to seem, and I am afraid to open up even with God because I don’t want to look like a failure (my fear of failure keeps coming up in my recent reflections). 

       But God knows, he knows that I am a hot-mess who is so far from perfect.  Why am I still holding back? If I can’t be myself with God where can I be myself?  Nowhere.  The only way to truly become the “real” me is to allow God to shape me.  In order to do that I have to go to him, fall on my knees, open my heart, ugly cry, and let his love envelope me.  Without this vulnerability I will never become who I really am.  What a waste it would be to live life as an imitation of my true self. 

         Are you going to try and let God see the hot-mess that you are on the inside?  Comments? Questions? Suggestions? Drop me a line in the comments below!

Are you truly open with God? Do you allow yourself to be your “real” you in front of him? or do you try to appear holy in prayer?

Asking Too Little

“ And He said to them, “suppose one of you has a friend, and you go to him at midnight and say to him, ‘Friend lend me three loaves of bread; for a friend of mine has arrived, and I have nothing to set before him.’ And he answers from within, ‘Do not bother me, the door has already been locked, and my children are with me in bed; I cannot get up and give you anything.’  I tell you even though he will not get up and give him anything because he is his friend, at least because of his persistence he will get up and give him whatever he needs.  So I say to you, Ask, and it will be given to you; search, and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened for you.”- Luke 11:5-9

picture via Our Journey With God 

       These are some of the verses that Mary and I meditated on today in discipleship.  Mary is teaching me different ways to pray with the scripture in order to strengthen my prayer life. She asked me to listen to her read this passage a few times, to listen for words that stuck out to me, and then pray about why they did and what I should do about it. 

       Today, what really stuck out to me was the word ask.  I realized that each time she read through that passage I just kept hearing the word ask.  So, what do I think it means?  Well, let me tell you.  It means I should ask.

       I know what you are thinking, “REALLY?”  Yes, really.  When I was meditating on these verses I realized that most of the time I don’t ask God for what I really need.  When I do ask God for things, I ask for things.  God is not Santa Clause. So often when I pray to ask something of God, I only ask him for superficial things I want; I skip over the real, deep, heavy, pressing issues that I need help with.

       That really bothered me.  I knew that I didn't want to treat prayer like a wish list, I wanted to treat it like a real relationship (what it is meant to be).  So, why?  Why did I always skip the stuff that I really needed to ask for?  I think I figured that one out too. 

Reason #1

       If I ask for God to help me with a problem, I have to admit I have a problem.

     

       Have you ever noticed how much we all love to pretend that we are perfect?  Like we have it all together?  Well, we aren't and we don’t.  It can be really challenging to admit even to yourself that you have deep problems that need help.  But, that is what God wants us to do, he wants us to ask.

Reason #2

       I think I can fix it on my own.

       No, I can’t.  Here is the deal, we are broken people that make big messes in our lives.  Why, then, do we think that we can clean up the big messes in our lives?  Why can’t we see that our trying to “do it ourselves” is what brings about the problems we face in the first place.  Lean on God, ask for his help. (He really does want to help us)

Reason #3

       God knows everything, he knows what I need help with, I don’t have to ask. 

       Yes, God does know our struggles but he doesn't want to force his way into our lives.  He wants us to have a relationship with him.  He wants us to invite him to be a part of our lives and to help us.  He wants us to acknowledge to Him and to ourselves that we need His help.  He wants us to ask. 

       I have decided that I need to become more vulnerable with God.  I need to truly open up my heart to him (all of it).  I need to invite Him to come and take over this mess I have made.  I need to admit I can’t go on without his help.  He will help me, and all I have to do is ask.  

       What stands out to you in that passage? Have you noticed I am really feeling the italics today?  What do you need to ask God for in your life?  Do you hold back the way I do?  For the same reasons, or different reasons?  Comments? Questions? Suggestions?  Drop me a line in the comments below! 

Thanks for Nothing

       Today marks the halfway point in my 54 day novena!  I am so excited to switch the tone of my prayer from desirous to thankful.  The three intentions I have been praying for have not exactly been “answered” but I am still thankful because I know that they have all been heard and will be answered in God’s proper timing.

picture via Performance I Create

       What I really want to embrace, and to share, is the idea that we should be thankful all of the time.  I know that when things go our way it is easy to thank God but things don’t always go the way we want.  We need to recognize that God is working in our lives at all times and is hearing all of our prayers.  We should be thankful just for being heard.

       It is hard to feel like singing a prayer of thanksgiving when your life seems to be going rotten.  I know that for me, the only thing that has gotten me through my worst days is the knowledge of Christ’s presence in my life.  I have the peace of knowing that no matter how messed up things in my life may seem, Jesus is with me.  Not to mention that Jesus died on the cross for me so I really can’t be that upset that I have a busy schedule full of stuff I don’t want to do (Jesus didn't want to die on the cross, but he did). 

       I challenge each of us to thank God every day (even the crappy ones). 

       Do you thank God in your struggles?  Have any of you prayed a novena recently?  Comments? Questions? Suggestions?  Anything you want me to write about?  Drop me a line in the comments below!  

Curveballs

       Have you ever had a day that was just one curve ball after another?  Well, for me that was today.  My absolute favorite part of the day was that I really enjoyed it.  I feel like God was teaching me a huge lesson.

picture via Shaman in the City

       As I told you on Tuesday I have been in a funk recently.  After discussing this with my discipler and some subsequent self-examination I have realized that a major reason for my anxiety is my lack of a life-plan.  When I was in high school I had my life all planned out: Go to college, meet my husband freshman year Fall semester, start dating him Spring semester, get engaged right after graduation, get married a year after that, get pregnant a year after that, live happily ever after.  Needless to say, that ain’t happening.  After realizing that I had no backup plan I began to freak the flip out.  It is scary to have no idea what is going to happen! 

       Well, today started off with car troubles, a detour, and missing class.  I then picked up my best friend Holly from her class,  half an hour later I locked the keys in her car (sorry!), and we waited outside in the scorching heat for about an hour for the locksmith to come (Holly even longer, because I had to go to work), the locksmith then proceeded to rip us off.  At work I was slapped by a 4 year old and Applebee’s Karaoke doesn’t start for another 3 weeks so my evening plans were cancelled.  Obviously, none of these things were in my plan for the day.

       If it were last week I would stop there when describing my day.  However, this week I have opened my eyes to all the great things that happened today.  After realizing that I wasn’t going to make it to class I decided to go to St. Mark’s Adoration Chapel.  Not only did I get to go to Adoration but I got to practice my driving (my least favorite activity).  At work (I work in a preschool classroom) even though a little boy slapped me a little girl came up to me, hugged my legs, and said, “I really like you.”  Also, Mandisa tweeted me, yeah that happened in real life. 

       What I learned from today is that yeah, things don’t go as we plan.  Sometimes things go horribly wrong but God brings beauty from disaster.  I think that God used this roller coaster of a day to show me that the unexpected is ok, and can honestly be fun.  I just need to trust God and go with the flow a little bit. (I know, I know, easier said than done)

       What plans have you had that just didn't work out?  Do you think that God has a plan for your life?  What have you learned from the curve balls in your life?  Comments? Questions?  Suggestions?  Drop me a line in the comments below! 

Road Back to Reality

       For the last few weeks (since I moved back to school) I have been in kind of a funk, but deeper.  I have just been feeling lost.  I wasn't happy and I felt like there was no purpose in my coming back to UMD.  Luckily, I have Jesus and an awesome discipler (Mary) to bring me back to reality.

picture via Illuminations

       Today I was on my way to discipleship (a weekly meeting with Mary) and I just knew that she would pick up on my mood, and I did NOT want to talk about it.  Of course, she did have me talk about it and knew that what I needed was Jesus (duh).  So we went through an Ignatius prayer in which you imagine yourself in a bible passage, you place yourself there in your mind (it’s really cool).  We read Luke 24:13-35, the story of the men on the road to Emmaus. 

       After the death and resurrection of Jesus, two men were walking on the road to Emmaus.  Jesus appeared and joined them on their journey.  He walked with the men, allowed them to pour themselves out to Him, share their grief and confusion over the death of Jesus of Nazareth, and He explained the scriptures to them so that they could understand what had happened.  When the men reached their destination they asked Jesus to stay with them and He did.  It was at the breaking of the bread that the men recognized Jesus and as soon as they did He vanished from their sight.

       What stuck out to me today, and helped to lift me from my funk was how seemingly obvious it is to us that the man was Jesus, but the people He walked with didn't know it.  I know that this kinda sounds like it would depress me more, I mean these guys didn't know that their Savior was with them, they are oblivious to the glory going on right within their own lives.  However, that is exactly the part that gives me hope.  Even though I have been in this funk and feeling lost and aimless Jesus is walking right next to me.  He is there every step of the way allowing me to pour myself out to Him, express my worries, and He is teaching me.  He is doing all of this without me even noticing that it is Him.  Then, I come before the Eucharist.

       It is in the Eucharist that I am reminded of God’s true love for me, His unending presence in my life.  When I receive Communion or sit before the LORD in adoration I know that Jesus is there with me, in the breaking of the bread.

      This story reminded me of a few things I always need to remember, but often slip my mind.

1)Jesus is always with me

2)Jesus will stay with me if I ask

 3)Jesus will listen to me and teach me

4)Jesus is truly present in the Eucharist

5)I am often oblivious to the glory taking place in my own life . 

       So, yes, my funk is lifting because I know that whether I see it or not glorious things are happening on my journey and eventually I will be able to recognize them.  That gives me hope.

    

       Have you ever been in a deep funk?  Have you felt like what you were doing with your life was pointless?  Have you ever used Ignatius prayer before? What do you think of this story?  Comments? Questions?  Suggestions?  Drop me a line in the comments below!

Stop, Drop, and Roll

       In today’s Gospel reading Jesus calls Simon Peter, James, and John to drop what they are doing and follow him.  I mean, I know I have heard that story a million times but I always took for granted that they actually did follow him.  Isn't it scary to think that they could have said no?  How would the Church be different if those men weren't Jesus’ disciples?

picture via cheezburger

      I realized that these men could have been like, “no way, that dude is crazy” and just go on about their day.  Simon, James, and John just stopped, dropped what they were doing, and rolled with it. I started thinking about what I would have done if Jesus asked me to come and follow him.  I unfortunately came to the conclusion that in all likelihood I would have said, “no way, that dude is crazy.”  How scary is that? 

       I am so grateful that the LORD has placed me in this time and place.  We are so fortunate to be able to look back to the cross.  These men who left their jobs and families to follow Jesus, had just met him.  They didn't know all the wonderful things he would do, they didn't know anything about him.  Can you imagine the amount of faith that they had to display? 

       The next thing in my train of thought was, how do I strengthen my faith?  What can I do?  Well, I am sorry to sound like a broken record but I need to pray.  I need to strengthen my spiritual core.  Jesus is asking all of us right now to drop everything and follow him.  In the same way that the Church would have been completely changed if the apostles said no, the Church will be completely changed if I say no.  God has made all of us with a purpose for him and if we don’t follow him we are doing harm to the Church. I hope that I can

stop, drop, and roll just like the apostles.

       What did you think about today’s Gospel?  Would you have dropped everything to follow Jesus?  Comments? Questions? Suggestions?  Drop me a line in the comments below! 

A Mother's Love

       Have you ever had a thought that really blew your mind, and you just couldn't stop sharing it with everyone you saw?  Well, this week I had one of those mind blowing thoughts.  As it turns out this blog is another place for me to share!  So, fasten your seat belts!

picture via pray for our leaders

       Mary, the mother of Christ, watched her beloved son be tortured, mocked, and killed for our sins.  But wait, here is the mind blowing part, even after all of that Mary is still on our team!  When that hit me I was awestruck!  I mean, honestly, I wouldn't blame her for wanting all of us to burn forever. 

       As I have begun to further understand Mary’s role in my life and in my faith I have been repeatedly impressed and humbled by her.  This woman, who could easily blame us for her greatest pain chooses instead to intercede on our behalf.  She watches over us and has adopted us as her own children.  WOW! Thanks Mama Mary!

       Thank you all for listening to my rant.  I sometimes get really excited when I make a new development in my spiritual life.  Sorry for the short post but I was just so pumped about this I had to share!

     Do you have any mind blowing thoughts you want to share?  Have you ever had similar thoughts about Mary?  Comments? Questions? Suggestions? Drop me a line in the comments below! 

First Name, Greatest. Last Name, Ever.

       I just got back form the first ever 9pm mass with the Catholic Terps at the School of Public Health! (I was told they will write books about that mass, so I wanted everyone to know I was there)  One thing that really got me thinking from the homily tonight was the idea that we are all made for greatness.

picture via Digging the Word

       If you are like me you have spent much your life denying your greatness; whether you truly believe that you aren't that great or you think it is conceited to admit your greatness to yourself.  I think that my life has been a pretty even mix of the two. 

       If you truly do not think that you are great, consider your creator.  God created you.  The same God who created the oceans, mountains, sunrises, sunsets, He created you.  What hit me today while I was listening at mass is that it is really disrespectful to think of myself as worthless or insignificant.  I am a masterpiece, you are a masterpiece, of the Almighty.  God could have just as easily never created us but he has a plan of greatness for each one of us.  Who are we to decide that we or anyone else is worthless?  God knew what he was doing when he created us!

       If you are afraid of admitting your greatness to yourself for fear of conceit you may also be missing opportunities to use your greatness.  I know that for me this fear is very real.  I am scared that admitting to myself I have a gift will lead to one of two things : 1) I will become super conceited and nobody will like me, including God. 2)If I admit to myself that I am great then I am setting myself up for expectations and ultimately failure.(fear of failure is a whole different post).  My point is that these reasons I give myself for denying greatness don’t cut it.  When I refuse to see my gifts I feel useless in The Great Commission.  I am not allowing those gifts to be used for their purpose, I am wasting them hiding behind false humility.

       We are called to see ourselves as God sees us, flawed but great!  We are not great at everything, don’t get too excited.  And yes, pride and conceit are very real temptations but we can resist them if we choose to view our greatness not as our own, but as God’s. 

      What are some of your gifts that make you great?  Do you think that you are great?  Why or why not?  Comments?  Questions?  Suggestions?  Drop me a line in the comments below!

Why Can't We Be Friends

       This week has been a whirlwind!  I have spent the week getting up early and spending the day working with the Catholic Terps.  UMD is welcoming students back this week and we are in full-fledged outreach mode.  Before we got started talking to the new students the leaders at the Catholic Student Center got together and shared a day of learning and planning.

picture via eborg3
(a sweet webiste full of Jesus pics)

       During this “Leadership Day” we went over many Bible stories and verses.  A lot of the verses made an impression on me but one kept returning to my thoughts over and over again.  John 5:6 says, “When Jesus saw him lying there and knew that he had been there a long time, he said to him, “Do you want to be made well?”.  What really struck me about this verse is that Jesus approaches a man who has been paralyzed for over 30 years and doesn't just heal him, he asks if the man wants to be healed.  God doesn't go where he is not welcome. 

      I don’t know about you, but that kind of scares me.  I mean, I know that God is there for everyone and he want to heal us all, but we have to be the one to open the door.  That is a lot of responsibility.  I think that as Catholics we get so comfortable in routine that we forget we are called to be in relationship.  We can’t just expect God to take part in our life, we have to invite him, and in order to invite him we need become his friend. 

      How?  1^st things first talk to him, this is how we get to know everyone, God included.  You can’t become best friends with someone you never talk to.  Read the Bible, this is similar to Facebook stalking your crush; you can get to know his (Jesus’) likes, dislikes, friends, and relatives.  Finally, hang out as his place for a meal, go to church and share in the Eucharist!  There is not better way to become friends with someone than to hang out together.

      What do you think about John 5:6?  Do you invite God to heal you?  How do you strengthen your friendship with Jesus?  Comments? Questions? Suggestions?  Drop me a line in the comments below!

You Are My Song

my parents and I at my brother's wedding

       Today is my parent’s 30^th wedding anniversary! Congratulations Mom and Dad I wish you many more years together!  I feel strongly called to the Vocation of married life and I am so blessed to have been given such a beautiful example.   So while I am single right now, I still feel like I have learned a lot of valuable lessons about relationships from my parents (some of which have contributed to my prolonged singlehood).

       Lesson #1: There are still good men out there.  My dad has set and incredibly high bar for any man in my life (a good reason to be single).  The good news is that he has shown me that there are men out there who are willing to show love and respect to one woman forever.  I appreciate this lesson and know that I deserve a man like him because he taught me what I am worth as a daughter of God. (Thank you Dad for being great, thank you Mom for being super great and letting him marry you)

      Lesson #2: Love is not a feeling it is a choice.  Love wants the best for the other person.  My parents once told me that if you constantly try to outdo one another with generosity you will be happy.  They didn't mean that a couple should turn love into a competition they just meant that love is selfless.  I have seen this over and again in their relationship and I hope to one day be blessed with a man I can try to outdo in generosity.

       Lesson #3: The key to a lasting relationship is Christ.  This is the lesson I am most grateful for.  My parents have taught me that marriage is a commitment not only to your spouse but to God.  When you take vows you are promising God to love your spouse as he loves the Church.  A vow to God is not something that should be taken lightly.  In order to make a relationship last you have to put Christ at the center, you need to know that another human can never fulfill you, only God can give you all you need. 

       Thank you, mom and dad for showing me a beautiful reflection of love between the Father and the Son, and Christ and his Church.  Love is a many splendored thing, but it requires hard work and commitment.  Thank you LORD for my parents! 

       What life lessons has marriage taught you?  Do you think these lessons are true?  Comments? Questions? Suggestions? Drop me a line in the comments below! 

School Of Hard Knocks

       Recently I watched a video of 50 scientists talking about God.  All of these people of science were discussing why they don’t believe in God or religion.  I was honestly heartbroken.  It is hard to see people living lives that they see ultimately as pointless.  One of the reasons that some of these individuals cited as disproof of God is the suffering that takes place in the world.  This is not an uncommon argument and I will admit it is hard to accept, but suffering is not proof that there is not an all-powerful and loving God.

picture via Take On Torah

       I have certainly noticed that pain and suffering is a go-to argument against God.  In the past I have always responded with the cheesy line from AWalk To Remember, “without suffering there can be no compassion.”  Yes, I do think that this is a valid reason for suffering to exist but I have recently come to the conclusion that it is not the only reason.

       As I was praying the rosary yesterday morning (sorry I keep talking about the rosary this week but I have been learning so much from it!) I was meditating on the sorrowful mysteries.  As I meditated on Jesus’ agony in the garden, it hit me.  God is our father, that is the ultimate love, and as our father he is responsible for teaching us.  So, here are a few important lessons I think God teaches us through suffering.

       1) God shows us that there are consequences for bad behavior.  When we are children our parents give us rules to follow and if we don’t follow those rules they give us consequences.  Why is it that parents spend the time and energy to give children consequences?  It is because they want us to learn our actions affect us and others, we have to be more thoughtful in what we do.  God wants us to make good choices because when we choose to sin it affects not only ourselves but others.  Without the pain and suffering that results from a bad decision how would we learn to make better choices?

       2) A wise man once told me that anything uncomfortable builds character.  That wise man may or may not have been my brother, and he may or may not have said it whilst giving me a noogie (I don’t remember).  Regardless, that statement has stayed with me because I truly believe it.  The way that we react to hardship molds our character.  If we dodge responsibility and think only of ourselves through our suffering than we are building ourselves to be weak, lazy, and selfish.  If we take responsibility for our action and try to make amends to those we have wronged (or pray for those who are doing wrong to us) than we are building ourselves to be honest, strong, and compassionate.

       3) We can’t do anything by ourselves.  Do you remember teachers and parents telling you it is ok to ask for help when you are struggling?  God says the same thing; he wants us to ask for his help.  We so often try to rely on ourselves and what does that lead to?  Pain and suffering.  When we place our burdens on God he carries us. God wants us to know that we have nothing and are nothing without him.

        “Now, discipline always seems painful rather than pleasant at the time, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.” Hebrews 12:11

       Do I think God wants us to suffer?  No, absolutely not.  Do I think he allows suffering for our ultimate good? Yes, I do.  God, like any parent watches the pain of his children with grief but knows that allowing us to learn from it is for the best.  God wants us to succeed.

      Why do you think that God allows suffering?  Do you have any examples of what God has taught you through your own pain?  Comments? Questions? Suggestions?  Drop me a line in the comments below! 

Before I Cheat

       Yesterday I celebrated what I called the “grand finale” of my summer.  Holly (my BFF) and I met up with Anna, one of our closest friends from high school (and later Biz and the MacLeods).  This get-together was extra special because it was our last chance to see each other before Anna leaves for 6 months of mission work in Taiwan.  What I love about my high school friends is that even though our faith wasn't what initially drew us together it is now something that most of us have a deep passion for and can share. 

All of these are of me, Holly, and Anna from high school. Clockwise:
Trying on the latest fashions in Walgreen's,
walking in the homecoming parade with the Patrons in Pink,
field trip to the big city a.k.a DC 

       As we browsed around local shops and stopped in Dunkin’ Donuts so Holly and Anna could get Pumpkin ice lattes (or whatever it is they got), we chatted, made jokes, and goofed off in general.  Once we were done with the approximately three things there are to do in our town we decided to go see a movie.  We rolled up to the theater around 3:30 only to discover it was closed… we live in a really small town.  We weren't ready to part ways yet, so we did what every group of self-respecting young women would do in our situation, we watched One Direction videos on our phones and talked about God.

       Something that Anna said during our conversation struck me so much that I wrote it down to share with you!  As we were talking about our imperfection in relationship with God Anna said, “Yeah, it’s like, imagine you got married and your husband told you he still wanted to see other people.  That is what we do to God when we put other things before him.”  WHOA!  If you know me or if you have been a regular reader you know that my dream in life is to be a wife and mother, so this hit me really hard. 

       All God wants is all of us.  The Church is the bride of Christ and we are the Church, therefore we are the bride of Christ.  As the bride of Christ we are supposed to be completely faithful to him.  Every time we sin, we are putting something ahead of Christ, we are cheating on God.  Think about that! 

       Think about it this way, if someone cheated on our favorite celebrity we would probably say, “What was that person thinking?  Don’t they know that they have the perfect man?! What is their problem?”  We would be outraged and think that they didn't know how lucky they were, yet we have literally the perfect husband and we are unfaithful to him daily.  I know that I was embarrassed when I thought of it that way.  I mean, I would never dream of cheating on a boyfriend or a husband so why do I allow myself to turn from Christ so easily?

       I don’t know if you will connect as much as I did with what Anna had to say, but I had to share.  I think that it has added a new level to my understanding of the destructive nature of sin.  Maybe next time I’ll think before I cheat.

       What do you think about Anna’s comment?  Have you ever been on a missions trip overseas?  Comments? Questions? Suggestions? Drop me a line in the comments below! PS happy 65th post! 

New Perspectives

       As you know I began praying my first novena this week!  Today’s rosary focused on the Sorrowful Mysteries.  I thought I was going to hate focusing on all the sad parts of the Gospel but I actually liked the reminder of Jesus’ great sacrifice. My concentration on Jesus' sufferings reminded me how much I take for granted. What I particularly found interesting in my meditation is that I had never really considered how God the Father felt during Jesus’ Passion.

picture via UTNE

       Usually while reflecting on the Passion I think about how Jesus loved us and was willing to sacrifice himself anyway.  In recent years (mostly after Mel Gibson’s The Passion of the Christ) I have thought a lot more about the actual pain and anguish Jesus experienced and the sorrow Mary went through.  It has really added to my gratitude when I consider just how awful the Passion really was.  Jesus was not hanging on the cross with a loincloth and one little mark where they pierced his side.  No, Jesus was hanging up there naked covered with cuts, bruises, whip marks, dirt, and blood. 

       The rosary allowed me to meditate in a focused manner on the Passion.  While I was praying I thought about how each mystery looked and felt from many different perspectives (Jesus, Mary, God, those persecuting Jesus, myself).  One that I had never really thought of before was how God was feeling during his Son’s Passion.  During Lent I think about God telling Jesus, “this is what is going to happen”, and then he kind of disappears from the story until Jesus asks him to “forgive them, they know not what they do.”  Upon reflection, I realized that God (as always) didn't go anywhere.  He had to watch his Son go through all of the suffering that the entire rest of the world deserved.

       So, how did God feel?  Did he look down stoically, knowing that this was what had to be done?  Did he cringe with every crack of the whip and every pound of the hammer?  Did he cry?  Can God even cry?  Did he want to reach down and stop it all?  Was he proud of Jesus?  Was he angry for what our sins had led him to do?  Was he happy that through Jesus’ suffering we would all be restored to him?  Was it maybe a combination of these?

       I am not sure what God was feeling during this time.  We can never really know.  I imagine he felt something similar to how I feel on Good Friday, sad for what happened but overjoyed for what it means to sinners.  No matter how He felt, I am impossibly and eternally grateful to Him for the sacrifice. 

       

       What do you think of the Sorrowful Mysteries?  Have you ever thought about how the Father was feeling?  What do you think God was doing during the Passion?  Comments? Questions?  Suggestions?  Drop me a line in the comments below!

My Diet Starts on Monday

       This is my last week of summer.  I feel like the end of summer is similar to New Year’s Eve, I look back and realize I haven’t accomplished anything I intended to.  I had meant for this summer to be a season of growth spiritually, physically, and domestically.  I wanted to strengthen my faith, body, and homemaking skills.  Unfortunately, I allowed myself to slip into the mindset of putting off ‘til tomorrow.  However, last night I stayed up until about 3:30 am watching videos from the Steubenville conferences on YouTube and my enthusiasm for my faith was rekindled.

picture via shh fit happens

       I had for the most part wasted my vacation in a fog of sleeping til 2 in the afternoon, pinning crock-pot recipes, and watching every episode of King of the Hill, The Office, and Downton Abbey I could find.  Well, last night my web surfing led me to crash land on the hard shore of reality.  As I watched the women’s sessions given by Jackie Francois (now Jackie Angel), Leah Darrow, and Mary Bielski I saw with clarity that I needed to get my relationship with God back on track.  I had drifted away, become complacent, and allowed our relationship to be pushed to the back burner. 

       I have been living a lukewarm lifestyle.  I stopped going to daily mass, I haven’t been to confession all summer, and I haven’t been investing in my prayer life.  I was putting off my faith and doing just the bare minimum.  These videos, these women, reawakened me.  I realized that we have to continually feed our souls with the LORD or we become sluggish and lazy in our faith.  It’s like exercising, when you are in the zone working out everyday you feel great but if you skip one day at the gym it becomes infinitely more difficult to go back.

       The beauty is that it is never too late or too early to start.  It is really tempting to put off the responsibilities of growing my faith until I get back to school (and the Catholic Terps), like a diet that “starts on Monday”.  Instead, I decided to harness my current excitement and start today. I bought the 54 day novena book that Jackie talked about for my kindle.  I began praying the novena this morning for the intentions of my future husband, as well as prudence and wisdom in my relationships.  I have never prayed a novena before (Mama Mary and I are still getting to know each other) so I figured go big or go home, right? 

       I am really excited to get back into the swing of things and really focus my attentions on Christ.  I feel like a lot of my life has been going through the motions and I am ready to put genuine love into my actions.  I can’t wait to experience this novena and to share those experiences with you!

       How has summer affected your faith life?  Have you ever been to a Steubenville conference?  Have you ever prayed a novena?  Let me know about your experiences!  Comments? Questions? Suggestions?  Drop me a line in the comments below! 

Mama Mia!

       In case you didn't know, today was the feast of the Assumption.  This is one of those days that Catholics have set aside to honor and celebrate the Blessed Virgin.  This is one of those days that I always thought was bogus.

picture via CANYOUHELPME

       Throughout my life I have fought with the Church’s teachings about Mary.  I saw her as merely a woman that gave birth to a child who happened to be God.  I figured, this was God’s plan so she didn't really have a choice.  She just happened to be the one through which the Word would become Flesh.

       In these past few years, as I have rediscovered my faith, I have challenged myself to work on my relationship with Mary.  As I was leaving the vigil mass last night I thought to myself, I have failed.  I still don’t fully grasp the Immaculate Conception or Mary’s perpetual virginity.  I struggle with believing those things; I don’t think they make any sense. 

       However, as I thought it over I realized that I have in fact moved forward leaps and bounds.  I have discovered a true appreciation, respect, and admiration for Mary and her role in salvation history.  I appreciate that she had as much free will as any of us and still chose to say yes to God’s monumental request when I struggle to say yes to his simple everyday expectations.  I realize how scandalous it was for a girl in her time to pregnant out of wedlock and admire her bravery in facing the world with her head held high in the light of truth.  I ask for her intercession and respect the special relationship she has with Christ as his mother. I see the beauty of her selfless love for God.  Honestly, the fact that I acknowledge that there is an importance in growing my relationship with her is proof that I have in fact grown in my understanding of the faith. 

       God doesn't work randomly and his choice of Mary as mother of Christ was no accident or coincidence.  If God felt Mary was good enough to carry, deliver, and raise his only begotten Son, she is worth taking a second look at.  I struggle to find answers and form bonds with Mary but I realize that she is just like any other part of my faith; she will never fully make sense to me.  The beauty is in the struggle and the mystery.

Happy Thanksgiving

       This week I saw this really interesting video about the effect of gratitude on one’s happiness. (please excuse some mild language at 5:23-5:28)

     
   
        I love this video and believe that its message can be translated into our spiritual lives. I don’t know about the rest of you but my prayers can often turn into more of a Christmas list, just rattling off to God all of the things I want.  I have also noticed that in times when my prayer takes that turn I feel less connected and less fulfilled in my faith, and quite honestly a little depressed.  That is because I am not being thankful for what I have been given I am only concerning myself with that which I do not have. I act like a spoiled child who expects every whim to be met and takes my full toy box and loving parents for granted.

picture via pernillanordman

       I have found that once I recognize that I am been in a rut like that (taking things for granted) the best way to get out of my funk is to praise the LORD.  Offering thanksgiving to God is a surefire way to lift your spirits because it forces you to acknowledge all the good in your life.

      Like the video said, the people who benefited most from this gratitude experiment were those that were least happy to begin with.  This got me to thinking about the idea of praising God in the storms of our lives.  It is really easy to fall in to self-pity (one of my pet peeves) when things don’t seem to be going our way.  However, if we take the time to look at all the gifts and blessings in our lives and thank God for those things we are likely to find joy even in the darkest times of our lives. 

       Something that I want to try out in my own life is to begin keeping a “gratitude journal”.  People get a blank journal and each day write at least one thing they are thankful for.  I think that this practice could be really helpful in one’s overall happiness and in remaining positive and grounded.  Being aware of the blessings we are given each day keeps us connected to the reality of God’s loving presence in our lives.

       What did you think of the video?  Would you consider calling someone randomly to tell them why you are thankful for them?  How about keeping a gratitude journal?  How do you express gratitude?  Comments? Questions? Suggestions?  Drop me a line in the comments below!

KISS: Keep It Simple Sinner

       Today I was watching TV with my dad and he turned on EWTN’s Crossing the Goal.  Honestly I wasn't really paying close attention; I have that preconceived notion that all EWTN shows are super boring (like many of my generation, sorry Grandma!).  I ended up tuning in just long enough to hear a message I felt I had heard a million times before, and then it hit me.  If I have heard that message a million times before why have I not allowed it to change my life?

picture via crosscards

       The teachings of Jesus are so simple that we all feel as though we have heard them a million times, yet we fail to live them out. One of the men on the show, Danny Abramowicz, was speaking of the moment that he gave his life completely to Jesus.  What struck me was his admission that after he gave his life over his problems were not erased.  There is our answer, simple but they are not easy.

       The differentiation between simple and easy is very important to make, especially in Christianity. The teachings of Jesus are simple; all we have to do is love God and love others.  Simple.  The problem is, have you ever tried to love God and others all the time?  Not so easy.

       So what do we do?  We listen, we admit that we don’t know everything there is to know, we strive for perfection, we lean on Christ but don’t expect him to clean up all of our messes, we try.  No, being a Christian isn't easy, but the reward is so worth the struggle!

       How do you feel about EWTN?  Do you think that being a Christian makes your life easier or harder?  Comments? Questions? Suggestions? Drop a line in the comments below!

What Would You Do For a Klondike Bar?

picture via Christ's Commission Fellowship 

       Tonight I attended a Bible study at my local parish.  We are doing The Great Adventure: A Journey Through the Bible, a study by Jeff Cavins.  Each study is kicked-off by watching a video of Cavins going through the “homework” from the past week.  This week we discussed several chapters in the book of Genesis.

       After Adam and Eve chose to eat from the forbidden tree, God informed them of the repercussions including the fact that from that moment on childbirth would be extremely painful.  Something I found interesting that was pointed out in the video for today’s study was the purpose of this “punishment”.  Cavins presented this unfortunate consequence as a lesson in true love.  A child is conceived in love, the total giving of oneself to another, and from that love comes great pain that is followed by unimaginable joy (similarly, Jesus was begotten in love, died, and resurrected offering eternal life).  This “punishment” is a hands-on lesson of what love really is.

       After pondering this I began to realize that the idea of joy coming from pain and sacrifice is in fact present in our society today.  I realized that we are for the most part taught that we have to work hard to be rewarded.  As a college student I am familiar with the principle that suffering leads to reward.  Every time someone chooses to study or pick up an extra shift instead of hanging out with their friends I see a sacrifice being made with the hope that joy will follow when they ace an exam or pay their rent. 

       So it is not that our world is unwilling to sacrifice, it is that we are sacrificing for the wrong things.  I am not saying that getting good grades or paying your bills is not a good thing, but I am saying that they are not the only things that should be sacrificed for.  If sacrifice is an act of love than why is it that love of money and worldly security exceeds love of Christ? For goodness' sake it seems as if we are more willing to sacrifice for a Klondike Bar than we are for God.  Why is it that I sometimes am more willing to sacrifice my time and energy to finish an assignment than I am to go to adoration?  By that same vein why am I willing to sacrifice my best possible grades for a night out with my friends and not for a trip to confession? 

       I guess what I am trying to say is that what we truly love can be determined by what we sacrifice for.  I hope to be able to say one day that I love God above all; unfortunately right now I don’t know if my actions reflect that. 

       What do you make sacrifices for?  Do you agree with my observation?  Have you ever heard of Jeff Cavins?  Do you participate in a Bible study?  Comments? Questions? Suggestions? Drop me a line in the comments below! 

All Eyes On You

       I was looking at my blog stats recently (the info that tells me how many people visit the blog and what country they logged in from).  I always get so excited when I see that I have had the chance to reach people all over the world.  But honestly, I am overjoyed when 10 people visit my blog on any given day.  Guess what, I interact with more than 10 people everyday (well maybe not in the summer when I sit on my couch all day). I have learned from this blog that whether or not I am qualified or particularly inspiring I am an example. 

picture via Leadership 

       All of us as Christians are examples, whether we like it or not.  We are given the responsibility to represent the light of Christ in a world shrouded in darkness.  People, as soon as they find out you call yourself a Christian, look at you.  Whether they want to see the life of a true Christian or they want to catch you in sin they are watching you.  And if people don’t know for a fact that you are a Christian than they should be able to tell by the way that you act, they should notice something special.

       My goal is to live a life that makes people wonder what makes me different; a life that makes people think, “I want what she has”.  A prayer that I frequently repeat is this, “Dear LORD, fill me with your love to overflow.  Allow your light to radiate out of me and warm those around me.”  I unfortunately fail miserably at this on a regular basis, but that is why I have to keep asking God to help me out. We all need to be aware that whether we are in the “public eye” or not we do have eyes on us as Christians. 

        

       Are you being a good example to those around you?  How can we live a life set apart?  Have you ever seen someone and just known that they must be Christian?  Comments? Questions? Suggestions?  Drop me a line in the comments below!

Don't Forget About the Curve

       I have been reading a lot of different things recently both in print and online.  As I have been widening my sources of spiritual reading I wanted to remind you of the importance of credibility.  In today’s age of inexpensive publishing and the internet’s mass produced media everyone has a chance to have their say.  The problem is that very few people are properly educated to preach.

picture via pleasureinlearning

      The reason that I am telling you this is not so that you stop reading (or writing).  I am telling you this so that you read (and write) responsibly.  I love writing and reading about the way that people interpret the Word because it helps me to open up my mind and heart in a new way.  However, don’t take everything you read as fact or Church teaching.

       Earlier this week I encouraged you to do more spiritualreading.  I have been thinking about this recommendation and I realize that I did not warn you about the dangers of reading without acknowledging that an author can be mistaken.  I want you to read, but I also want you to be well informed.

       Check your sources.  Do your own research.  Do your own Bible study. Befriend priests, sisters, monks, and religious brothers.  Go to Mass.  Remember that I am a Catholic girl on a learning curve. I should not be your only source of spiritual nourishment or reading (but keep reading, please!).

        

       Have you ever been misinformed through spiritual reading?  How do you check your sources?  Comments? Questions? Suggestions?  Drop me a line in the comments below!

The Seeds Fall Where They May

       During my road trip down to North Carolina this past Sunday my dad brought up the parable of the sower and the seed; this parable was also the Gospel reading on Wednesday.  I always take notice if the same idea or reading comes up more than once in a short period of time.  I figure if God is going through the trouble to keep putting the same thing in front of me than it is worth my attention.  So, here we go!

       When the sower sows his seed there are 4 possible outcomes that represent different types of faith lives.

clockwise Northwest Nature Notes,
David Veuve,
 Glendale Church of the Brethren,
NYC Urban Project 

       The first outcome is the seed falling on the path and it is immediately eaten up by the birds.  This represents a person who hears the word of God but does not understand what they hear.  The truth that they have heard is then snatched away easily because they do not understand.

       The second outcome is the seed falling on rocky soil and being scorched by the sun due to lack of roots.  This represents a person who hears the word of God and receives it happily.  However, their faith is not deeply rooted and therefore dies at the first sign of trouble.

       The third outcome is the seed falling among the thorns, being choked, and producing nothing.  This represents a person who hears the word but preoccupation with things of the world choke out their faith. 

      Finally, the fourth outcome is the seed falling on good soil.  This represents a person who hears the word of God and truly understands it.  As a result this person bears much fruit in their life (they’re successful).

       So, that is the basic run down of this parable.  This is the explanation that has been given to me for years and I have always stored it away safely assuming that I had fallen on good soil.  That is where the common problem of this parable lies.  I think that many of us, especially cradle Catholics, tend to identify ourselves with the faithful and pious “good guys” in Jesus’ parables.  This is a dangerous manifestation of our pride and/or complacency. 

       When we decide that we are the role models in a parable we become comfortable in our faith.  When we become comfortable in our faith we stop challenging ourselves and stop learning.  I have heard it said that there is no standing still in faith, only moving forward or backward.  I challenge you to really look at all of the scenarios (path, rocks, thorns, good soil) and really be honest with yourself about where you are in your faith life. 

       If I am being honest, I’m still hanging out in the thorns.  I love the LORD and I want to trust in him but I know that there are times when my worldly worries overshadow my faith.  I know that it is hard to admit that you aren't the perfect follower of Christ, but as in all things the first step is admitting you have a problem.  I hope I have encouraged all of you to take a step forward and become uncomfortable in your faith life!

      Which seed do you identify with?  Have you always considered  yourself the good seed?  Has God repeated and idea to you? Comments? Questions? Suggestions?  Drop me a line in the comments below!

I Get Knocked Down, But I Get Up Again

       Have you ever experienced a moment in which you see how far from your goals you truly are?  Have you ever seen, in a moment of clarity, the distance that you still have to travel to become the person you hope to be?  Have you ever experienced a moment like this and wanted to quit, just give up because it seemed impossible that your goal would ever be met? 

picture via The Wonderful World of People

       Sometimes, I experience moments like this.  I fall into sin and allow myself to turn from God, even if only for a moment.  After that moment, or sometimes within that moment, I see the true distance between who I am and who I long to be. I can see myself turning my back on God with the selfish decisions I make. I have the desire to be a true follower of Christ; I want to be walking next to him all the days of my life.  I want to give my all to him and to bear witness of his love to those around me.  I fail. 

       I wonder to myself from time to time, “will I ever become the woman I long to be?”  The honest answer is no.  I will never become the person I truly want to be.  If my role model is Christ than there is no way that I can attain my goal.  I am flawed, I am human, I am imperfect.  I have to accept that my goal is beautiful but unattainable.  The question then becomes not, “will I become that person?” but rather, “will I stop trying?” 

       Even Jesus, on his road to Calvary, fell.  The weight of the cross paired with the wounds given to him by this world became too much for him. This weight and pain is often what we feel as we try to travel on the narrow way in the midst of this world.  But, his love of God and of neighbor, his commitment to the will of the father, and his true desire to fulfill his purpose gave him the strength to stand up and continue.  Jesus fell and fought to get back up when his destination was death; we fall and want to give up when our destination is eternal life.  Why are we so willing to give up and lie in the dust?

       When Jesus fell he looked up and saw the sneers of an angry crowd.  When we fall, we need only look up to see the loving face of a Father reaching out his hand to help us up.  So, what are you going to do?  Are you going to stay down and allow the world to trample you under its feet?  Or are you going to take God’s hand, stand up, and follow him on the road to salvation?

      

       What are some moments you have experienced that made you want to give up?  How did you deal with that discouragement?  Do you have any advice for people who want to give up?  Comments? Questions? Suggestions?

Good Reads

       Happy Sunday! Today I have spent the better part of the day in a car on my way to the Outer Banks of North Carolina.  I absolutely LOVE the beach.  Not only do I always feel extra close to God while I am at the beach but it gives me the opportunity to just sit and read all day.

Spring Break Catholic girl style! 

       In the past my beach reads have looked a lot like any other girl’s.  I indulged mostly in celebrity gossip magazines and cheesy romance novels.  I’m not making any promises that these guilty pleasures aren't going to make it into my beach bag this year, but I am proud to say that I have added some tomes that will expand my spirituality.  I am so psyched to finally finish Man of theBeatitudes: Pier Giorgio Frassati and get started on Consuming Religion: Christian Faith and Practice in a Consumer Culture ,The Screwtape Letters, and 101 Questions and Answers on the Eucharist to name a few.  I couldn't help but laugh at myself on Spring Break when I realized how dramatically different my reading material had become (I was reading On BeingCatholic). 

       I only started participating in “spiritual reading” when I was a freshman in college (so two years ago).  Since then, I have decided that it is essential to every confirmed Catholic’s life.  When we receive the sacrament of Confirmation we are agreeing to take our faith in our own hands.  As a result of our statement of dedication to our faith we are graduated from the formal religious education system.  However, for many Catholics all religious learning stops right there.  We fail to truly take responsibility of our faith and allow learning to stop.

       Maybe we feel like we have learned all there is to know.  Maybe we feel that we are too busy to commit time to learning about our faith.  Maybe we figure we have all we need for salvation, so why bother.  I have found that the more I learn about the faith the more I realize that there is more to learn.  I know that our lives are busy, we are constantly moving but I guarantee that the more time you commit to God the more God will give back to you.  And finally, salvation is an incredible gift from God and I don’t know about you but I would love more than anything to have a relationship with the being that saved not only my life, but my soul.

       In order to continue our spiritual and religious education we need to participate in spiritual reading.  To me spiritual reading is reading a piece that is written deliberately about the faith (saint biographies, theology, papal documents, bible studies etc) or a piece that is written with the intention of shedding light on our faith (allegories etc).  I have found personally that the more involved I am in spiritual reading the more motivated I am in all other parts of my faith (mass attendance, sacrament attendance, adoration attendance, bible reading/studying, prayer etc).  Spiritual reading allows you to widen your understanding of the faith and ways to relate our faith to others.  Plus, it can provide a topic of conversation among your friends or bible studies. 

       I hope that in between your Us Weekly and your latest NYT bestseller you pick up some spiritual reading. I can’t wait to tell you all about how my summer reading list turned out; I am sure it will inspire new posts!

       What are you reading this summer? (Spiritual or not)  Do you participate in spiritual reading?  Do you have a favorite book I should read?  How do you feel about taking charge of your own religious education?  Comments? Questions? Suggestions? Spot a typo? Drop me a line in the comments below?