God Moments: Weak in the Knees

     My mom used to tell me that scabs were God’s Band-Aids.  As a kid I loved that imagery, I still do, God as a father and caretaker gingerly placing a bandage on my boo-boo to make it feel better.  As I have grown older I have come to know that boo-boos come in forms much deeper and more painful than a skinned knee.  I always considered myself to be blessed; I was spared the hurt others had to endure.  I have loving parents, they never let me know if we were struggling, and I wasn't hooked on sex, drugs, or rock and roll.  So what was there to hurt? Why would I experience pain? What right did I have to feel broken?  Yet, I did.  I do.  I hurt from sin.

picture via cottoncandy the clown

 
     Sin is the self-inflicted wound that society has deemed acceptable all in the name of “freedom” and “fun.  Why then, if we are free and having fun do so many of us feel empty?  I have gone through years of ups and downs in regards to feeling empty and only recently have I allowed myself to acknowledge why.  That emptiness has come from me living for myself by society’s rules.

   
     Over the weekend I attended a retreat centered on the Holy Spirit.  During this retreat we talked about the Spirit’s ability to heal us and the priests participating in the retreat offered a laying on of hands.  This is something that a year ago I would have considered crazy fake showmanship.  But this weekend my view was changed.  As you know my last post before leaving for retreat was about trust, I just failed a test, and during confession my priest told me to open myself to the Spirit’s love and healing.  All of these factors contributed to the feeling that I needed to be open to God, on his terms.

   
      So as they were preparing us for the time available for the laying on of hands I found that I was trying to talk myself out of going up.  I heard in my head “you don’t need healing”, “you can always go to a healing mass another time”, and finally, “this isn't real.”  That last thought was where Satan revealed himself, he went too far. 

 
      I know in my heart that God can do all things and that includes knocking people over with his healing.  I’m not saying that people don’t abuse God’s love for show; I know that some people do that.  I am saying that God’s love and mercy and power knows no bounds and doesn't care about appearances.  Who am I to say that God can’t come and heal someone? Who am I to say it is impossible for God’s love to cause someone to go weak in the knees?  That is after all what we expect from earthly love, isn't it?

   
      That was it, I made up my mind to go to the priest and open my heart and mind to the power of the Holy Spirit.  I am SO glad I did.  I asked for healing from fear, fear that cripples me.  When Frob laid his hands on my head and prayed over me I felt peace, I felt calm, I felt reassurance. (I did not fall over)

 
      I made my way back to my seat (I had already been crying for 15 minutes) and cried (it’s kinda a thing I do).  I cried and just repeated the words “thank you” over and over again.  I could not stop thanking the LORD, I was overcome with gratitude.  I wanted to join in the singing of praise and worship music but my mouth could NOT form any words other than “thank you, thank you, thank you.” 

   
      My best friend Holly was sitting next to me and she started rubbing my arm, I closed my eyes and continued to thank the Spirit.  I could feel a comforting hand on my arm, but I opened my eyes and Holly was no longer trying to comfort me.  I knew then it was God holding me, healing me, loving me, and comforting me. 

   
     Many of you will think I am crazy after reading this, but THAT was a God moment.  Open yourself up to healing, even if it is not through the laying on of hands. 

   
     Have you ever had a healing experience? Would you ever participate in the laying on of hands? Comments? Suggestions? Questions? Drop me a line in the comments below!