Joyful Noise

     When I was born, so the story goes, I cried for four months straight.  I like to say that I was just warming up my vocal cords.  Some of my fondest memories of my childhood are my mom singing or whistling “Praise to you LORD Jesus Christ” and me responding in song “King of endless glory!”  Now, I sing when I wake up and get ready, I sing when I walk to class, I sing before class starts, after it ends, I sing doing my homework, I sing in the shower.  I. Sing. All. The. Time.

Picture via Jesus Music Oldies 

         
    God has given each of us our own unique way of connecting to him on a personal level, like a love language.  For me, music gives movement and passion to ideas that I can’t articulate with words alone. The rise and fall of the notes paired with the lyrics put emotion behind ideas that can become flat in our busy lives.  I love to hear the stories told by artists through their songs and I sometimes sing to God myself, making up words and tunes based on how I feel.

     Each week I lead a Bible study of about half a dozen amazing girls in my tiny dorm room.  One of my favorite studies we have ever done was our study of grace.  I was out of things to say and the conversation had fallen silent, I panicked for a split second and then my all-time favorite lyric came to mind.  So I figured I might as well play the song for them, that would take at least three and a half minutes.

      I pulled up Relient K’s “Be My Escape” on Spotify and played the song for my girls.  After we had listened I told them the reason I love this song is for the lyric, “The beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair.”  How beautiful is that!?  I can’t stand it sometimes! I told the girls how this lyric really spoke to me the first time I heard it and how it brings me comfort when things are getting tough in my life.  Then something beautiful happened; the girls started to share their favorite praise and worship songs with the group.  I pulled up each of their songs for us to listen to and after we had listened to them we discussed each one.  I felt so connected to the girls in my study and so connected to the LORD and even connected to the artists who performed the songs. Music bonded my Bible study and bonds me to the Christ.

     We all have different ways to best connect with God.  How do you like to connect? What is your favorite praise and worship song? Questions? Comments? Drop me a line (or a beat) in the comments below!

Who Do You Say That I Am? : Father

          Most of you are probably familiar with the scene in Matthew’s Gospel when Jesus Asks Peter, “Who do you say that I am?”  Peter replies, “You are the Christ.”  We all know that scene and many of us accept Peter’s reply as obvious fact.  But that's where we stop.  We don’t think about it.  Like much of my early reading of the Bible I read this passage like any other book, but the Bible is so much more than a book, it is the word of the LORD.  So now when I read the Bible every question Jesus poses to anyone I read as though he is asking me personally.  “Holly, who do you say that I am?”  It is much more powerful this way and it causes me to examine myself and to examine Jesus more closely.

           SO, that was my very long-winded introduction to a new series I am going to be doing: “Who Do You Say That I am?”  I am going to answer in several posts who Jesus is (to the best of my ability because I will never understand him completely in his mysterious divinity).  This first post is going to be focused on my favorite role of God, Father. 

Let the Children Come Unto Me by Richard Hook

          When I am asked, “Who is God?” my initial reaction is, “he is my father!”  Why?  First of all, I have a completely awesome earthly father (shout out Popsie!) and so the father child relationship is near and dear to my heart.  When God calls himself my father I am overjoyed that he can think of me with even MORE love than my dad has for me (that’s a lot of love).  Secondly, all of the responsibilities, actions, and emotions a father takes on are traits of God that we can observe on Earth which makes him more relatable. Let’s go through these together:

Responsibilities:

            A father historically has been responsible for providing for his wife and children.  As our father, God has promised to provide for his wife (the church) and his children (us!).  He tells us in Matthew 6:31-32 “Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all.”  The LORD will provide.  Thanks Daddy!

Actions:

            A father makes rules for his children’s best interest.  As children we think that our fathers’ rules are stupid and meaningless; invented to keep us from having fun.  “Why can’t I play in the street? That’s a stupid rule!”  But then, when we grow up we see the merit of the rules set in place.  “Oh yeah, if I played in the street I might have gotten hurt.”  Well, as children of God we are still in the “I like to play in the street” phase.  We don’t understand why God has given us rules like “don’t get drunk”, “don’t have sex before you are married”, and “don’t watch trashy movies” etc.  We think that God just doesn't want us to have fun.  The thing is, we should learn from our past and realize that Our Father has our safety, happiness, and best interest at heart. 

            
           A father comforts his children when they are scared or sad.  The most repeated phrase in scriptures is “Be not afraid”.  (It is actually repeated 365 time, one for everyday)  Jesus Christ became man and experienced humanity as we do, with all the ups and downs (minus sin).  Even Christ was afraid but he told God “thy will be done” and God used him for the greatest miracle of all time and resurrected him from the dead! If we trust the LORD he will use our fear for greatness.  When we are sad God tells us that all we have to do is ask and he will fill our joy. 

Emotions:

            A father loves his children.  This is the message of the Gospel.  God LOVES us!  What an incredible fact that the creator of the universe loves us enough to send his son and die for love of us! Is anyone else just blown away by this? Is it just me?

           What do you think of God as our Father? Who do you say that he is? Questions? Comments? Drop me a line in the comment section!

 Ps. I am trying to post every Tuesday, Thursday, and Sunday nights to start making this blog more consistent and easier to follow! 

Mass Appeal

      It wasn't until after I began attending daily mass during my freshman year of college that I started paying close attention to the mass itself.  This change in my faith life coincided nicely with the change in the English translation of the mass.  It was convenient because I got to learn along with everyone else, I wasn't messing up alone.  Learning the new responses made me focus on what I was saying so that I could memorize and recite the proper prayers with out the “cheat sheet” provided in the pews.  This, along with Matthew Kelly’s 7 Pillars of Catholic Spirituality (we’ll talk about those in another post) gave me a deeper appreciation for what the mass is.

picture via buildingfaith.org

   
      I am human so I get distracted during mass, I daydream, but this part always brings me back.  This part of the mass reminds me why I am there in the first place.  This part of the mass reminds me of God’s awesome power and my relative weakness.  I won’t hold you in suspense any longer! I am talking about when the priest holds up the Host and says, “Behold the Lamb of God, behold him who takes away the sins of the world. Blessed are those called to the supper of the Lamb” and we respond, “LORD, I am not worthy that you should enter under my roof, say the word and my soul shall be healed.” 

 
        It may seem strange to some of you that my favorite part of the mass is a prayer admitting our imperfection.  I mean, we all like to think we aren't that bad, right? We are at mass, isn't that good enough? This prayer is an admittance of my sin, of my imperfection, of my unworthiness.  That is exactly why it is my favorite part.  I am NOT worthy.  At this point in mass we are preparing to receive the greatest gift, blessing, grace, and sacrifice that we can experience on Earth.  Are any of us worthy of it? No.  I know how hard it is to accept that, it took me a long time to accept and once I did my life changed.  Back when I was in high school questioning my catholic faith and living on the surface I thought that I was a “good Christian”.  I thought I was worthy of this gift, I honestly didn't even give it a second thought.  I thought I was entitled to receive this Host, I said Amen when the priest handed it to me, I intellectually knew it was Christ.  I had never before taken Jesus in my hands, cradled him, received him as part of myself, and wanted to cry with overwhelming gratitude and a sense of love.  I was not worthy.  I am not worthy. 

   
      I was kidding myself because I wasn't examining myself.  After I learned to look inward I learned that I am far from perfection.  ONLY God is perfect and that, my friends, is the most comforting realization you will ever experience.  You aren't perfect and God doesn't expect you to be.  Humans are flawed and need God’s grace that is what this prayer is saying, “LORD, I am not worthy that you should enter under my roof.”
   
      Once I realized that perfection comes only from God and that I was never going to be perfect here on Earth, in this life, I was free.  I finally allowed myself to stop looking to myself for leadership and to look to God instead.  Turning to God and being completely honest with him I can now tell him, “I need you to heal my brokenness.”  Our prayer, “say the word and I shall be healed.”  We give over all the power to God, admitting not only that are we weak and imperfect but that He has the power to heal us.

   
      I love this part of mass because I think that our total honesty is beautiful.  Kneeling down and admitting your imperfection to your loving Father, and begging for him to help you is beautiful.  Realizing that God can cure your soul with one word is beautiful.  Being human is beautiful. 

   
      What is your favorite part of the Mass?  What prayer do you find particularly beautiful?  Questions? Comments? I would love to hear from you in the comments! 

There's an App for That

Technology is incredible.  I go on rants to myself sometimes about random topics and technology is one of those things I can go on about for hours.  However, I will not subject you to all of my insanity so I am just going to talk about one awesome part of technology.  I want to talk about how we can use technology to glorify God.

          This topic came into the forefront of my mind this weekend when my aunt asked for advice on a Bible verse app.  She wanted an app that provided her with inspirational Bible verses with a little bit of explanation or reflection.  I could not call to mind an app like this, which led me to start exploring.  What I found upon wandering the app store is that technology has provided us with incredible opportunities for glorifying God!

picture via Time

Apps, social networking, Radio, TV, and even blogs like mine are allowing for more and more content to reach the public than ever before.  I mean, I am in a class where my assignments include blog posts and tweets, technology is taking over!  So let’s use this new technology to our advantage. 

           I use my Laudate app every morning before I get out of bed. This app is awesome; it has the daily readings along with reflections (which I use every morning) and a million other cool features. As you know, I use this blog to channel my extra spiritual energy.  I love being able to share my musings and experiences with potentially the whole world. It is now easier than ever to find answers to questions, form your faith, and strengthen your spiritual base.  All of this is at my fingertips, He has the whole world in his hands and I hold his word in the palm of my hand. Don’t let this gift from God go to waste, find some new ways to include God in your day.  Pick out a daily verse, daily devotional, or daily reading app.  Follow some Christian and Catholic blogs.  Post what you find on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, or Pinterest.  Just don’t forget to put down the iPad, take a deep breath, and really talk with Christ each day.

        Do any of you have an app I can recommend to my aunt? Favorite ways to use technology for God? Questions? Comments? Drop me a line in the comments section!

Holy Sacrifice, Batman!: part two

           As you know I was having trouble deciding what to sacrifice for Lent.  Well, I have decided! With the help of one of Frob’s Sunday homilies I have decided to sacrifice my 5 senses.  I know what you are thinking, “this girl is nuts, that’s impossible.”  Well friends, “all things are possible through Christ who strengthens me”, remember?  So here is how it works, for each week of Lent I will being adding a sacrifice pertaining to a certain sense.

picture via birchbox 

           
           During the first week I will be sacrificing my sense of taste.  I have decided to only drink water for this sacrifice.  This means that I can no longer drink glasses of chocolate milk, or juice at breakfast, soda is out, and lemonade at Wednesday night dinner will have to be replaced.  Now, this doesn't seem that hard but I know better. I sacrificed beverages last year and I had never realized how much I drink non-water.  I literally take shots of those flavored coffee creamers for a sweets craving satisfier (who does that?)

           
          The second week I will continue my taste sacrifice and add my touch sacrifice.  This one is not something I am looking forward to.  I got the idea on one of the creative Lent lists to put a popcorn kernel or pebble in my shoe.  This means trudging all over campus, using the elliptical, and doing ZUMBA with a lump in my shoe.  Now I am not super active, but as a college student I have to walk a lot. 

          
           Third week continues the first two sacrifices and adds the sense of sight.  Hold your breath ladies, I am not going to wear makeup.  Scary thought right? Going out in public without make-up on is actually a nightmare some girls have.  But here is the deal, God created my face just the way it is and really that is good enough for me.  What will I actually lose out on? I won’t be at my "optimal" look, boys might not notice me? First of all, boys noticing me while wearing make-up is not an everyday occurrence.  Second of all, if a boy has a lower opinion of me because I am not wearing make-up than he is just that, a boy.  Ain’t nobody got time for that! All women, including myself, deserve a man (rant over).
     
          Week four, sense of smell.  Frob told us ladies to skip the perfume; unfortunately the boys took this as they didn't need deodorant (not true).  I however, have decided, with permission from my roommate to sacrifice our air-freshener.  Just to let everyone know we are the envy of our hall because ours is the only room that doesn't have that terrible “75 college students live in this hall” smell.  I mean who wouldn't want to smell hazelnut latte instead of the nasty boys on the other side of the hall?

         
          Ok, fifth week carrying on into the last few days I am giving up my sense of hearing.  I don’t know about the rest of you but I always have music playing.  I mean always.  I wake up and turn on my computer to jump on Spotify immediately and when I leave the room my ear buds are ready to go.  I will be spending the last weeks of Lent not listening to music on my iPod or computer.  I recently was able to put an audio version of Rediscover Catholicism by Matthew Kelly on my iTunes.  This book is going to replace my music and I will actually learn something about God as I walk to class instead of listening to the country station play “Cruise” for the fifty- millionth time (not that I don’t love that song, I do!).

           

            I am excited to jump into Lent this year.  I know that is counter-intuitive considering the whole “sacrifice” thing, but just think of all Jesus sacrificed for us.  The least I could do is endure 40 days of discomfort! For my final and hardest sacrifice I am pledging now, with the internet as my witness, that I will not complain about the sacrifices I am making.

            Do you think this is a good approach to Lent? Did you find any more creative ideas after my last post? Questions? Comments?  Drop me a line in the comments below! 

Papa Bene, BFF

      I woke up yesterday morning to my roommate and catechumen, Holly, telling me that Pope Benedict XVI was resigning.  I immediately freaked out! I think I went through the five stages of grief.

my all time favorite picture of the Pope via popelookingatthings

      First, I was in denial. I didn't think that the pope was allowed to resign.  Honestly, I thought that was a rule.  I have a lot still to learn about the church.  Like I said, learning curve.

      Then, Anger, “Papa Bene, why have you abandoned me!?”  Those words actually escaped my lips.  I know, super dramatic.  This stage lasted about five seconds.

      Bargaining never really happened, I skipped that one.  I guess the four stages of grief….

     Depression.  I didn't expect to be so upset.  Honestly, this is a man I have never met.  The thing is that he is the pope.  He is the leader of the church.  I feel like I know him.  I feel like he is a grandpa that lives far away but I can still feel his love.  I know that this might be weird but it is how I feel.  I was depressed when I found out that my grandpa wasn't going be there anymore.  Luckily, I ran into a friend on the way to class who eased my mind.  That is when the final stage of grief kicked in, acceptance.

     Papa Bene isn't abandoning us, he isn't leaving his grandpa duties, he is showing us the greatest love he can.  Pope Benedict XVI is a humble man who is willing to admit his weakness at the cost of his position of power.  He loves us and the LORD enough to let somebody else lead the church with energy and fervor that he, in his age and health, can no longer provide.  This man is devout and will continue to pray for us and be an example of Christ’s love to all.

     I love Papa Bene and I will miss him as our pope, but I am so excited to see who the cardinals will elect.  The next pope could be from anywhere in the world.  I am personally rooting for America or Africa.  Obviously I want whoever God has in store for us but I think it would be cool to have a pope from one of those places.  I truly believe that God has allowed this to happen because he is going to bring in somebody who will rock the church!   What an incredible gift the LORD has in store.

     Papa Bene I will miss you, but you aren't going anywhere, you will always be here for me.  Thank you for being a man who is not preoccupied with his station and instead wants what is best for our church.  Thank you, I know that this was not a decision you made lightly.  God bless.

picture from The Telegraph 

 How are you feeling about the Pope’s resignation? Any Cardinal you are rooting for? Questions? Comments? Drop me a line in the comments! 

Holy Sacrifice, Batman!

photo via recipesnobs.com

       It’s that time of year again. Lent, *communal groan*. That’s right Easter is coming early this year and Ash Wednesday is the 13^th!  So what does that mean for us? It’s time to decide what our Lenten sacrifice will be.  I have been having such a hard time deciding what to give up this year.  I was going to give up naps because I have developed a reputation for napping frequently.  I told my Mom the idea and she told me I need my rest (love her), plus I don’t really have time for naps this semester anyway, so that is out.

       After realizing my napping idea wasn't going to work I started to panic. I mean Lent is in a few days! So of course I did what any person would do, I went to the internet for inspiration.  Seriously, you can find anything on here.  I found some really interesting and innovative ideas to make Lent a holy challenge.  My favorite I found was this list I found through a friend’s Facebook.  Don’t forget that your sacrifice doesn't need to be giving something up, it can be adding something!

       I think that the purpose of Lent is so often overlooked.  In fact, when I started to write this post I realized I didn't really know the purpose.  So I took some time to reflect on Lent and what I think it means, and I asked my very knowledgeable friend Zach.  He told me the reason that we give things up for Lent is to discipline ourselves and to gain mastery over our desires.  We are not of this world and therefore we should not be attached to worldly things.  I think that it is refreshing prove to myself that I don’t need those things that I am a slave to during the year. Lent can also provide us with an opportunity to imitate Christ by being kinder, complaining less, and showing love. But most of all Lent is to prepare for Easter, for the risen LORD.  We are denying ourselves in order to open up to HIM.  This is what it is all about.

      What are you giving up for Lent? Do you have suggestions for my sacrifice? What has Lent taught you in the past? Love it? Hate it? Let me know in the comments! 

God Moments:Perfection in Pursuit

Pictures cannot capture the beauty

     Have you ever had a moment when you can truly feel the presence of God at work in your life or you just know he is telling you something?  Those are what I like to call “God moments”.  Now, I know that every moment is a God moment (Thank you for the awesome life God!) but these are the moments when doubt is impossible.  I already told you about   one of my first God moments that I remember in my first post. I have decided to make a little series of posts about these life changing and defining moments.

         
      In the Fall of 2012 my discipler(mentor), Mary, took me to the beautiful Basilica of the National Shrine in Washington, DC.  I couldn't remember ever being there before so this was an overwhelming experience anyway.  The detailed mosaic interior is awe inspiring.  We went into adoration for a few minutes and then went to look around.  I was so struck by the man power that went into this incredible monument to God’s power and might!

         
       We stopped in the main are of the shrine and grabbed a pew.  Mary began to read to me from a book of Ignatian prayer.  If you haven’t tried Ignatian prayer I highly recommend it! Anyway, she was reading me a meditation on Jeremiah I think.  All of the sudden I felt something overwhelming growing in me.  I didn't audibly hear anything but I knew God was speaking to me at that moment and what he was saying would change my life.  He said to me, “I want you.  You think this is about you chasing me, about how much you want me.  I am chasing you I am here! I want you for my glory, you are NOT insignificant!  You are mine.”  WOW!  I was in tears (not uncommon) and completely overwhelmed.  I had never really felt this before, he was right I was so preoccupied with how much I wanted him that I forgot he wants me even more. 

          
       As a young woman, especially as a catholic young woman desiring 400 babies, I get so caught up in the idea that I am on a timeline.  I get overwhelmed with the “why doesn’t anybody worthwhile want me?”  Guess what ladies Perfection himself wants you! He wants me, lil’ ol’ broken sinful selfish me, he wants me.  What power comes from knowing that the King of Kings is pursuing you is incredible.  Talk about feeling like a princess. 
 
     What are some of your God moments? I would love to hear from you in the comments!

Hi Readers!

 I am pretty new to the whole blogging scene but I feel that the internet has so many opportunities that I am not taking advantage of.  SO I have decided to start this blog just to share some of my thoughts on life and some of my personal stories.

I wanted this blog to be a testimony to living a Christian (specifically a Catholic) lifestyle as a young adult in today’s world.  What better place to start than with my personal testimony! And away we go:

I am fortunate enough to be a cradle catholic.  For those of you who don’t know what that is, it means that I was born and raised as a catholic along with my 5 siblings.  My mom is catholic and my dad is not, although he attends mass with our family and supports my catholic faith.  I went to catholic school for grades 1-5 and then switched to public education. This transition was the first step in my conscious faith journey.

Growing up in a catholic family and going to a catholic school the only people I knew were catholic; public school was the first time I entered into a world of mixed faiths.  Entering middle school I thought that Catholics and other Christian denominations were basically the same thing, that scientists didn’t believe in God, and as far as Judaism was concerned all I knew is that it existed.  That was it.  I had never encountered differences; I had never examined what it really meant to be catholic or how to defend my beliefs.  Middle school was when I started to question what Catholicism is.

 Like I said my dad isn’t catholic, so I got to ask him what it was in Catholicism that he didn’t believe.  He talked about Catholics’ devotion to Mary and the Saints, the Eucharist, Purgatory etc.  I started thinking about what he said and what I had picked up at school and in the media.  I decided my dad was right about Mary and the saints and purgatory.  The one thing I could not deny myself was the Eucharist.  I knew that Jesus is present in the Eucharist.  The Eucharist kept me catholic. 

Fast-forward to the joys of high school *mild sarcasm*.  Ninth grade is the year that my parish celebrates the sacrament of confirmation.  I did NOT want to be confirmed.  I was still catholic but I wasn’t ready to take responsibility for my faith, I was still unsure.  But, I didn’t want my grandma to have a heart attack.  That was my actual reasoning. I thought, “Yeah I could tell mom and dad I am not ready, I am not getting confirmed” but I could not imagine my grandma’s reaction.  So I figured if I am doing this, I might as well get my answers.  I figured wrong, I had some very well intentioned confirmation class teachers whose answers only drove me further from my faith.  I remember venting to my dad that my teachers didn’t “get it” they didn’t know what Jesus was about.  I know now that they were just women trying to help teens learn about our faith, even if they didn’t have all the answers (who does?). 

With my grandma’s sanity on the line I went ahead with the confirmation and with a final act of rebellion against the church I chose a male saint’s name (Joseph) against the urging of my female teachers.  I still remember the smirk that snuck across the bishop’s face when I announced my name to him at the altar.

 I was blessed in high school with a good group of Christ minded friends.  Yes, we were stupid teenage girls who talked about and thought about things we shouldn’t have but our slumber party conversations always seemed to end with a discussion about God.  Yeah people thought I was cool *sarcasm again*.  I could deal with being seen as a goody goody, in fact it only reinforced my feelings that I was doing the right thing.  I wasn’t drinking, I wasn’t doing drugs, I wasn’t having sex.  That to me was an accomplishment to be proud of, in fact that was the essence of my Facebook status when I had finally finished my last day of high school.  I went to mass every week I followed the rules.  I was a good Christian, so I thought.

 Finally, I got to college after a tear filled car ride.  I was at University of Maryland! I was alone.  I was panicking! Luckily, I was for some reason placed in the College Park Scholars program which housed me in the dorm room right next to my angel, Lisa.  She found out I was catholic and I told her I wanted to get involved with the Catholic Terps on campus.  That was all she needed to know.  She took me under her overly eager wing and ushered me to the “welcome barbeque” put on at the Catholic Student Center.  The Catholic Student Center (CSC) at the University of Maryland has free weekly dinner and mass on Wednesday nights, but welcome nights are actually code for sign-up for our committee nights.  I am pretty sure that Lisa signed every clipboard lining the halls that night, and I followed suit because I had no idea how to say no.

We ended up in a committee meeting THAT night.   Lisa and I sat by while Amy and Zach, the committee chairs, bickered back and forth about something I don’t remember and a whole cast of characters paraded in and out of the room (these characters would end up being some of my best friends).  I was officially on the social committee and that Friday I showed up to help decorate for a dance and ended up bonding with Amy while doing makeup in the Center’s bathroom.

 After that I was hooked on the CSC.  I started showing up to all the events I could and followed Amy around like a lost puppy.  This is where my transformation started to take place.  I joined a bible study which was fun but the real turning point came with a tragedy.  One of my friends from high school, a boy who I quite honestly idolized, passed away.  I had never experienced heartbreak like that before, I decided to attend daily mass the next day for the first time in my life.  I just felt like I had to be with Jesus and I had to pray for my friend’s soul.  I told my brother, Kevin, and to my surprise he and my sister showed up to comfort and support me.

 I had never been to a daily mass before and I didn’t know all of the prayers but that day changed me.  Jesus called me to him.  After that I got serious about getting serious about my faith.  I made an appointment with my Priest Fr.Rob aka Frob.  I had to get answers and he is basically awesome.  We met up after daily mass (which I was now regularly attending) and we walked together as I asked my questions, he gave his answers.  He presented things in a way I had never before encountered.  I understood what he was trying to say, I saw truths in his responses.  His normally goofy demeanor transformed and he was a sensitive, caring, informed, and intelligent source of information and inspiration.  I finally saw that the church did care and did posses truths.  Frob made me feel God’s desire for me in a way I hadn’t experienced before.  I am not just pursuing God, he is pursuing me.  What a revelation.  I started to open myself to things I didn’t understand.  I didn’t have to have all of the answers to believe.  That is what faith is after all.  That was the first in a long line of “God moments” that continue to convert me.  The journey has just begun and I am so excited to share it with you!